Mr. Thirty-Four Felonies KNOWS climate change is real. It’s part of his justification for wanting Greenland. (Climate change melting ice caps will create new, year-round shipping lanes.) But he keeps denying it because that’s dogma of the MAGA brand. So when climate change causes fires, 34 knows that, really, it was because Gavin Newsom did not, personally, take a broom into forests and sweep up the debris. Yes, of course, it’s amazingly, stunningly stupid. Just remember the source.

Hey, guess what? No, you’ll never guess, so I’ll just tell you. It turns out, MAGA doesn’t like Gavin Newsom. No, I’m sorry, “Newscum.” They’ve connected some dots. There are several great big fires in Southern California and MAGA doesn’t like Gavin Newsom. Ergo, the fires in Southern California MUST be “Newscum’s” fault, right? I mean, it’s logic! Okay, yeah, it’s BAD logic, but…

Newsom wasn’t in the mood, though. After Trump posted that the fires are Gavin’s fault, Gavin responded. “You don’t believe in climate change. You are excused from this conversation.” Newsom is right. People who deny science have no business in intelligent conversations. (Of COURSE you have a right to be wrong, but don’t expect intelligent people to “respect your opinion” when your “opinion” is rooted in intentional stupidity.)

Yes, it was fun watching Gavin clap back at 34. The problem, of course, is that once he’s in office, the petulant puke (34) will direct FEMA to ignore California. Fortunately, for THESE fires, we have Biden still in office, and he has already approved FEMA help for the state. But going forward? Once Trump takes over? We’re on our own. I don’t know what Newsom is planning on THAT score.

Perhaps, once the US turns it’s back on California, California will turn it’s back on the US. We provide FAR more money to the US than we take back. Perhaps we just stop that. We’ll keep our money here to fight the fires the federal government refuses to help with because of 34’s political pettiness. It’s just a thought. But I digress.

As I was saying, and you may have noticed, MAGA is mad. Just in general, to be sure, but in this case, MAGA is mad at Newsom for not taking a broom and sweeping up the debris in the forests. They are NOT heavily focused on the fact that these are not forest fires. (The problem with the hydrant pressures might have been a clue.) It turns out that, being a desert, the LA basin hasn’t had much rain. Hmm, go figure. THEN, these hard, warm winds hit the area.

They’re called the Santa Ana Winds. Really, they have a name. They blow very hard. As far as MAGA is concerned (for the purposes of politicizing this event), it’s the first time in history that exceptionally dry conditions coupled with strong, warm winds has ever had anything to do with fire. EVER! Just ask Mr. Thirty-Four Felonies. And now that the words have been uttered, they MUST be set in stone as gospel truth.

These fires are also a great political opportunity to blame “Newscum” for low water pressure in the hydrants. As it happens, when firefighters hook up to several hydrants in many different places at the same time and open the spigots, the water pressure drops. That’s not water mismanagement. It’s just physics. The ACTUAL problem is the number of fires that have broken out all over the area, all at the same time. “NEWscum!”

It’s almost as if, no matter WHAT happens, no matter WHEN it happens, MAGA needs to quickly find a way to a) politicize the situation and b) blame Democrats. For clarity, that’s ‘Democrats,’ in general, but usually the closest, high-profile Democrat gets the focus of their silly, little faux rage. (Conversely, when a Republican is caught failing, dead to rights, it’s NEVER the time to “play the blame game.”) But if they can somehow pin the blame on a Democrat, the GOP never, and I mean EVER, misses a chance to politicize a natural disaster. EVER! That’s an amazing streak they’ve made up, there.

But while MAGA is finger-pointing and playing the blame game, Newsom is just…dealing with the problem. He has experience with this. He’s done it before. He knows how to handle this emergency and I have faith he’ll stay on top of it. The implication from MAGA, though, is that if 34 were in charge, the response would be much, much better. Really? We’ve seen Trump responsible for an emergency, in charge of the response. He threw paper towels in Puerto Rico and as I recall, after allowing Covid-19 to get rolling so fiercely, he flat-lined the nation’s economy and killed over a million people.

Yeah, um, nice work, Donny. God help us in the next emergency…

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Okay, so it’s official. Donald J. Trump is a convicted felon. No, he didn’t get in any trouble. Essentially, he just got a black mark on his permanent record. BFD. About the only thing one can say about it is, now I really CAN call him ‘Mr. Thirty-Four Felonies.’ Which, let’s be honest, I’ve been doing anyway. Yes, it’s petty. But it ALSO keeps it top of mind that he is, in fact, a convicted felon. MAGA doesn’t like it, but facts are facts, so MAGA hates facts, too!

I’m not clear on why the sentencing defines it as a done deal and not the finding of “guilty.” To me, when he was pronounced guilty because the evidence supported the charge – that is, he did the crime of which he stood accused – he was guilty. But some feature of the law says, no, the sentencing has to happen to close it out. So that’s done now.

Obviously, Trump insists it was all a witch hunt. (It wasn’t.) He called it “lawfare.” (A made-up term, but a practice he claims to abhor, yet intends to engage in with a vengeance.) He pretends it’s just political or electoral “interference.” (Wrong, again.) Of course, he’s the father of lies and I’m not sure he EVER speaks truthfully, so the more he protests, the more sure I am the evidence correctly supported the conviction…

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The job of DOGE, Trump’s new, expensive “government efficiency” office, is to trim fat. Eliminate excess. Get rid of all of those expensive employees. Of course it is. First on the agenda? Hire a large group of expensive employees. Rent office space. Buy desks, phones, tables, and chairs. That is, spend a bunch of money setting up a new bureaucracy. Great start, there, guys, way to reduce costs. Hey, come to think of it, I may have found a place you can cut some fat…

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I’m hoping for snow. No, not here. In DC, on January 20th. Like, FEET of it. It seems Mr. Thirty-Four Felonies never really got over the fact that his LAST inauguration was such a sparsely attended event. I presume he’s planning to bus in some extra “crowd” to make sure THAT doesn’t happen again. But then he gets word the flags are supposed to fly at half-staff on his dark inauguration day and now he’s all whiny about THAT.

I just think it would be funny as hell if, in addition to the half-staff flags, a paralyzing snowstorm hit DC and ground local travel to an absolute halt. Half-staff flags and practically NOBODY in attendance? That might break his teeny, tiny, little ego before he even gets started…