Dear MAGA’s,
You’re not keeping up. You need to work harder. You need to sacrifice more. Sure, you’ve gone to cat food but you need to just skip a meal or two entirely. The trumpster needs your money! The dude has some HUGE legal bills to pay. Fortunately, he ALSO has loyalists who send him money. Sure, it all goes into a campaign fund that then pays his lawyers for his criminal defenses but it’s all coming out of your pockets. If you don’t pay, how will the “billionaire” pay?

Originally, he planned to use the PAC to pay some of his legal bills AND to pay for campaign rallies but the legal bills are really ballooning. The PAC is broke. They had to claw back $60 MILLION dollars from a Super PAC they donated to – and that’s only estimated to cover 4 months of his legal bills. What then?

We all know that you’re trying, MAGA. (In fact, you can be really trying.) Every time he gets a brand new, shiny indictment, you’all re-affirm your dedication to treason and the crime spree and send him still more money. But, for some reason, with each indictment, the total coming in is less and less. That suggests that some of you, somewhere, are selfishly keeping your money for yourselves. You think keeping your own lights on is more important than paying a “billionaire’s” legal bills for him? Effing RINO!

Look, it’s gotten so bad, he doesn’t even have enough money left to hold a rally to tell you how totally smart you are for paying his legal bills for him. So you really need to dig down now. You need to send more of your hard-earned dollars (or some of the money you received for free from one of those “gub-mint” programs you hate so much). It’s either that, or he’ll have to pay his own legal bills out of his own pocket! (Oh, the huMANity!) Is that really what you want?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, finally! Trump has decided, in his infinite wisdom, to hold a press conference this coming Monday, August 21, 2023. His stated goal? He’s finally, actually going to release all of that amazing, incontrovertible, incontestable evidence. No, stop that. No, c’mon. Yes, I hear you laughing, but listen…this time? I believe him. Yes, I know we’ve all heard all about all the exculpatory evidence MAGA has on hand for months and months with nothing ever being produced but you’ve got to admit, they’ve also always said they were just looking for “the right time” to release it.

I’ll tell you the thing that scares me the most about it. This is going to be one of those examples MAGAs are always on about proving Trump is playing Chess while everyone else is playing Checkers, you know? I mean, what kind of cunning, wily insight allows a guy to know, I mean, just…know, that now is the time to release the evidence? With this announcement, that it is finally the time, I realized just how far above the rest of us he is in his thinking, and decided I should just stand down. Here’s an example of how stupid I am.

If I were in Trump’s shoes, and I knew I had mountains of incontrovertible, incontestable evidence at my disposal? Listen, I’m so stupid, I would have used it at any one of the initial lawsuits I filed immediately after the election, proving, right away, that I was right and everybody else was wrong. I mean, I would have just wasted it. But Trump knew better. He just did. So he held his cards close and strategically lost 60 straight suits. Genius. Clearly, just setting them up to knock them down.

But if I HAD had his insight to hold the incontrovertible, incontestable evidence through all my “set-up” lawsuits, I’m sure I would have just…belched the entire cache of proof out when all of the criminal investigations into all of my criminal activity started. No, really, I would – and I’m sure of this – I would have offered up every bit of the incontrovertible, incontestable evidence I had and shut the investigations down before they ever even got started. THEN, I would have used the mega MAGA slap-down in my upcoming presidential campaign. But not Trump. Nerves of steel. Balls of brass. Ice in his veins. Keep the evidence close until “the time is right.” Bide your time.

That’s the second time I would have just…pissed away all of my good exculpatory evidence by proving my own innocence. Gees, what a rube. Clearly, I have NO sense of the long game Trump is playing because I KNOW, for a FACT – and I do mean without question – that I would have certainly, undoubtedly produced every shred of my incontrovertible, incontestable evidence LONG before I totally bankrupted my campaign coffers paying lawyers. (Have you heard about that?)

So now I know, I really don’t understand anything and I just need to take a seat at the foot of the master and watch how it’s done and learn. I’m sure I would have wasted my incontrovertible, incontestable evidence in any one of (or maybe all of) the early hearings. There’s no question I might have squandered it as the many, many investigations into my rampant criminal activity got under way. I stupidly would NOT have hobbled my own presidential campaign by spending all of my campaign money on criminal defense lawyers, like that insightful genius knew to do.

Somehow, in some mystical way, he knew that the perfect time to release his perfect, incontrovertible, incontestable evidence was right between Indictment number 4 and pending Indictment number5 while the rest of us were playing checkers – and that’s why I believe him this time. Well, that and the fact that he says he has a report now. I mean, if he’s gone to all the extra trouble to compile all of his perfect, incontrovertible, incontestable evidence into a report? Well, let’s just say Jack Smith, Fani Willis, Alvin Bragg, and Letitia James are about to be eating a heaping helping of crow – with icky sauce…

I mean, it’s either that or…just another lie in a long, unbroken string of lies and really, why would he do that?