“Archie’s” Bunker…

Trump wants his supporters to believe he only went to that bunker to “inspect” it.  They will, too.  Hell, they’ll believe anything he tells them.  My experience of Donald Trump is less…fictitious than theirs.  MY guess?  The minute someone told Trump there were protestors outside, he went into a blind panic.  Suddenly, and to the surprise of the Secret Service, it was a foot race to the bunker, Trump bowling over Melania and Barron in the process.

“Get them out of my way!” Trump screamed as he ran.  The Secret Service pretended he just said, “Get them” and brought them along.  They caught up just as Trump was trying to slam the bunker door shut – just in time to get Melania and Barron inside.  It was close, though…

I can’t really say it’s his fault.  Sheer terror is a bitch of a taskmaster.  Sheer terror has caused people to burn down houses trying to kill a spider.  Sheer terror causes people to run blindly into trees trying to escape a rattlesnake.  Sheer terror caused the so-called “President of the United States” to hide in a bunker because there were some people outside his house…

But fear passes.  As he sat down there in that bunker, likely hoping people wouldn’t notice the spreading dark spot in the front of his trousers (they did but didn’t say anything), he realized his base might get the wrong impression – in this case, factual accuracy.  In the best Trumpian tradition, he needed an excuse.

The thing is, the Secret Service already HAS an excuse they use; “We made him.”  I was going to write, ‘Trump isn’t the first President to face danger’ when I remembered: he wasn’t IN any danger.  He was just scared.  Okay, so Trump isn’t the first President to be scared, maybe.  But do you remember 43 after 9/11?  He ran and hid for hours after the attack.  But the Secret Service trotted out their  excuse; “We made him.”

“Oh,” they’ll tell you, “the President (or in this case, Trump) WANTED to be at the helm of the ship of state but in order to protect him, we FORCED him into a protective environment.”  The great thing about it is, nobody can say for sure that it’s not true.  The President can crap his panties and the Secret Service will cover for him.  But Trump didn’t even have the capacity to take advantage of the existing excuse.  He had to create his own.

He just HAPPENED, he says, to choose that particular moment to inspect the bunker and it was all just a magical coincidence that the “inspection” lasted exactly as long as the “threat.”  It’s a weak story – stupid, even – but his tales don’t NEED to make sense.  He just needs something for his base to regurgitate.  Then, just to make sure they do, he showed his “strength” – by gassing peacefully protesting Americans so he could take a quick walk and commit sacrilege at a local church.

But that’s just a guess…

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